What the Heck? Is Midlife Crisis Really a Thing?
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How to Navigating Midlife: Identity, Purpose, and the Turning Point
Midlife is a season of transition—one that can either propel us toward growth or leave us feeling stuck in crisis. But what really happens when men hit their 40s? Is the so-called "midlife crisis" a myth, or is there something deeper going on?
In this episode of Sunburnt Souls, host Dave Quak sits down with Dr. Stephen Beaumont, a double-doctorate expert in theology and counselling, to explore the psychology, faith, and social pressures behind midlife transitions. Whether you're in the thick of it, preparing for it, or helping someone through it, this conversation is packed with wisdom, practical insights, and a healthy dose of real talk.
Contents
Introducing Dr. Stephen Beaumont – The man with two doctorates and a lifelong passion for understanding human behaviour.
What the Heck is a Midlife Crisis? – Is it real, or just an excuse for reckless decisions?
Keanu Reeves & The Midlife Stereotype – What does Hollywood get right (and wrong) about midlife?
Life Stage Theory: Why Your 40s Feel So Weird – The science behind midlife transitions.
How to Prepare for a Midlife Crisis – Proactive steps to stay grounded when the storm hits.
Beyond 40: How Life Can Get Even Better – Finding purpose, joy, and resilience in the next chapter.
5 Key Takeaways from Our Chat with Dr. Stephen Beaumont – Actionable insights to help you navigate midlife well.
Whether you're questioning your career, rethinking your purpose, or just wondering if that sports car is really a good idea—this episode is for you. Tune in now!
Introducing Dr Stephen Beaumont
Welcome to Sunburnt Souls. On this show, we talk about life, faith, and our mental well-being, having real and raw discussions about what it means to love Jesus fully while also struggling in our minds. I'm your host, Dave Quak, and today we get to talk to Dr. Stephen Beaumont. Dr. Stephen Beaumont is qualified in everything from counseling to theology and holds multiple degrees, including a couple of doctorates.
Dave Quak
But more importantly, he understands—or at least tries to understand—what is going on in the mind of a man in his 40s. Today, we are going to talk about what happens to men as they approach 40 years old. What exactly is a midlife crisis? Is that still a thing? What goes on in the mind of a man during that time?Well, you guys are super blessed because I have Dr. Stephen Beaumont here today.
Dave Quak
Stephen, how are you, brother?
Stephen Beaumont
Dave, I'm doing well, thanks. How about you?
Dave Quak
I'm doing well. Mate, you're an enigma to me because you're "Double Doctor" Stephen. You've got two doctorates, but you don't walk around saying, "Excuse me, call me Dr. Beaumont." You're an Aussie guy who also happens to be a doctor but is also a car enthusiast. Why don't you ballpark it for me—how many cars have you had in your life, Stephen?
Stephen Beaumont
If I can average ten a year, I'm doing okay. But I've moved on. I've decided to actually stop doing such things.
Dave Quak
Really?
Stephen Beaumont
So I shrunk the fleet, cleaned up the yard and the shed, and I'm looking forward to a less vehicle-cluttered life.
Dave Quak
I'm sure your wife will be happy about that. Though, you do have acreage, so there's plenty of room for the vehicles. Okay, of all these many cars, I know this is a hard question—what's your favorite?
Stephen Beaumont
What has been my favorite?
Dave Quak
Yeah.
Stephen Beaumont
If I think of my favorite car, it would probably be one I regret selling.
Dave Quak
Okay.
Stephen Beaumont
It would probably go way back to my Bible college days. I bought an XA GSL Fairmont with the 351 and all the gear. It was essentially a mock GT. I drove that from Brisbane to South Australia to attend Table Bible College in the 1980s.
Stephen Beaumont
I thought I was super cool—which I was—but I was also super broke as a college student, praying for help, studying, and living on faith and handouts. About six months into my first year of Bible college, I had to sell this gas-guzzling mock GT. I still have a lot of good photos of that car, and I wish I still had it.
Stephen Beaumont
That car probably holds sentimental value because it was tied to leaving home for the first time, starting college, and taking a step of faith. When I think about it, I realize I wanted the car to express a bit of who I was. I wanted to show up at Bible college like, "Yeah!"
Dave Quak
Yeah, yeah, it was making a statement. Now, I know it's not fair to play hindsight with vehicles, property, or anything like that, but if you still had that car today and sold it, what would it be worth?
Stephen Beaumont
Actually, it wouldn't be worth all that much.
Dave Quak
Okay, so it didn’t go up in value like some cars do?
Stephen Beaumont
No, no, none of that.
- Keanu Reeves-
Here comes 40. I’m feeling my age and i’ve ordered the Ferrari. I’m going to get the whole mid-life crisis package.
Dave Quak
I love it, Stephen. I wanted to call today’s podcast What the Heck because I want to try to figure out what the heck is happening in the minds of men my age leading up to this point.
Dave Quak
I made a little list of all the things I could think of that guys around 40 do. Here are seven:
Had an affair and bought a sports car.
Borrowed against the house and lost everything.
Borrowed against the house and made millions.
Started playing football.
Fell into depression.
Got really fit and became a great dad.
Got really fit and left the family.
Dave Quak
And then there’s number eight: Took off overseas and never came back. And the weirdest one—finally got his mental health checked properly, got diagnosed with bipolar, and started a podcast about faith and mental health.
Stephen Beaumont
That’s the weirdest thing.
Dave Quak: So, other than the last one, what the heck is going on in men's minds?
What the Heck is a Midlife Crisis? – Is it real, or just an excuse for reckless decisions?
Look, the whole mid-life crisis debate, discussion, or phenomenon has been popular for a few decades now. In the '80s and '90s, it started as a lot of self-help books and popular psychology. It really grew, with an emerging interest in what happens in midlife.
It kind of sits within the developmental theory that's out there—developmental psychology, life stage theory. People started trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Why is it that generally socially responsible, good blokes hit that golden age—whether it’s late 30s, early 40s, or for some, a little bit later—and make really dumb decisions? Like you say, in the '80s and '90s, some of the popular literature wasn’t so convincing.
The jury was still out for some. There was a sense of, "Well, this is really just a Western male phenomenon." Some even said, "Why not just call it irresponsibility? Why not just call it rebellion? Or, within Christian circles, why not just call it sin?" Why not label it something simple rather than trying to explain it as some complex psychological problem—a crisis in the life stage theorists talk about?
Now, 20 or 30 years later, it’s so mainstream in our thinking that we’re not surprised when a guy in his 40s does something really stupid. It used to be the sports car or the trophy wife—that was more common. Now, there are a lot more choices, so men can make a range of dumb decisions. Maybe that’s a little harsh, but it’s now a fairly well-established phenomenon.
Men—and there’s an equal discussion around women and what mid-life crisis means for them—experience this differently. But for men, we often meet guys where it seems like the wheels have just fallen off the bus. The decisions they make don’t seem rational or responsible. They seem out of character.
It’s commonly associated with or expressed through depression and anxiety. These are the common attributes we see. The “what the heck?” decisions are a thing. Men in our culture and time have both the means and rationale to make these choices.
For example, a 40-year-old man who’s been working for 20 years probably has the financial means to buy a sports car. He’s still young enough, attractive enough, or "whatever enough" to find another partner, start another family, change jobs, or move overseas. There’s a lot of agency and capacity to do these things.
More and more, it’s become somewhat acceptable, so they do it. Psychologically, it comes down to: what are we as men? What are we thinking about ourselves and our families? Where are our priorities, our self-care, and our understanding of identity and purpose?
If all of that isn’t solid, it’s easy for bad behavior to manifest. Mid-life crisis decisions—what the heck? Dumb decisions that are often regretted later in life. But not all men make these decisions. There are great dads, great men, who don’t.
Dave Quak: There are, yeah, there are. And there are plenty of examples, as you said, in the female community. But with us guys—okay, you mentioned means and motive. I never thought about that. In your 40s, maybe you’re starting to build a bit of wealth. Maybe you still have opportunities. Like you said, your looks are still hanging around.
Do you reckon there’s anything about social pressure in the workplace? Like, a lot of guys in that sphere. They're not the boss, and they're not the pleb. They're kind of like the middle guy. They're not the richest or the poorest, you know? Is there any frustration there or any correlation there?
Stephen Beaumont
One of the things that life stage theory talks about is that, in the middle stages of life, as you move into adulthood, you have to make decisions about what you’re leaving behind because you're heading towards the peak of your career. This is a generalization, of course, but after working for 20-plus years, if not close to 30, you’ve had some achievements. You’ve got some runs on the board and have made your way, career-wise or professionally.
There are diminishing opportunities at the top, yet, paradoxically, you tend to make the most money in the later years of your career. So, it’s this reverse dynamic. For some men, the walls seem to close in, while for others, the walls open up—they become the boss of the company, the CEO. Yet, even those who reach such success can experience a midlife crisis because the success is not enough.
Life Stage Theory: Why Your 40s Feel So Weird – The science behind midlife transitions.
Infograph thanks to the team at Mantra Care
Life stage theory explores what you’ll do as you enter the later years of life. Will you be generous? Will you raise up the next generation? Will you train others, give them opportunities, or will you become the grouchy older guy in the office who clings to his position, income, and identity? We’ve all seen examples of that. I had an uncle who died the week he retired at 65. He was the most irritable, angry man I knew during my childhood. He worked so hard to preserve his sense of success that he never got to enjoy it.
That’s an extreme example, but there’s a lot of social pressure around this stage of life. By your late 40s or 50s, you may have only one or two career moves left. You’re at the top of your game, but is it enough for you? Are you going to celebrate your success and use your experience to imagine greater opportunities? Will you be generous with others in the workplace or your family? Will you share your wealth and experience, or will you cling to them?
Men who cling to their identity and refuse to be generous often don’t transition well. They stagnate emotionally and psychologically, leading to depression, anger, and frustration. This often spills out onto others in the office or causes them to make reckless decisions. Nothing makes them happy anymore.
Dave Quak
Yeah. And what’s the fallout for their loved ones and colleagues? From what I perceive, people in that space often justify everything, and none of the external consequences seem to carry any weight. What’s it really like? You coach a lot of families—what’s it like for those left behind when this happens?
Stephen Beaumont
There’s a lot of collateral damage—a huge amount. Wives often have to explain to their teenage or young adult children that, after 30 years, dad has decided to go get a trophy wife. That’s an extreme example, but as you mentioned, there are many career moves older men make that don’t make sense.
I was talking to a lady yesterday who is married to a workaholic. They’ve been married for 20 years, so he’s firmly in this midlife stage. He just doesn’t want to be home. Work has become his entire world, and I can’t think of a single reason why he wouldn’t want to be home. Yet, he hasn’t managed the transition into his 40s well. His career has taken precedence over everything else, and the family has become secondary.
The collateral damage is significant—the loneliness, the disappointment for those who have to watch their dad make poor choices. It’s heartbreaking.
Stephen Beaumont: So, yeah. And when it is often community, we feel that pain because we have those families among us. We often have to delicately dance around questions like, "Where is your father? Where is your husband?" Oh, I heard this, I heard that. It's a sad part of church life too.
Dave Quak: It is a sad part, man. For anyone leaning into that phase—okay, so they're 30 and at the moment they're probably like, "Oh, no way, man, there's no way I'll do that." What can they anticipate, and how can they do it well?
How to Prepare for a Midlife Crisis – Proactive steps to stay grounded when the storm hits.
Stephen Beaumont: Okay. Well, I think they have to acknowledge the fact that life may be good for them in their 30s, but things can shift. You know, we think about the disruption in personality and biological changes during adolescence. I mean, that's all pretty significant. And then we think everything calms down after that—once our brains form and we're all tentative, mature young adults—thinking we're going to be "steady as she goes."
I think we need to at least have, within Christian communities, an open conversation that every phase of life comes with different challenges. We need to transition well, whether it’s from our 30s into our 40s, or from our 50s into our 60s. Obviously, these are not rigid numbers. We all mature differently. But at least we need to have conversations with young adults to say, "Hey, you may not always think life’s going to be sweet. You could wake up one day and hate yourself."
Dave Quak: Yeah.
Stephen Beaumont: You could wake up one day and feel so sad you want to dig a hole and jump in it, and you wonder, "Where did that come from?" That’s the sort of thing we’re talking about here. Adult males who aren’t willing to acknowledge, "I’m feeling depressed. I’m feeling anxious. I’m feeling angry. I’m feeling sad."
Is this actually about where their life is headed? Are they unprepared for it? Do they not know what’s ahead of them or how to manage it? I think we just need to educate. Older men and young men need to hang out a lot more. Share those stories, experiences, and insights.
Otherwise, we’re like teenage boys. Think about it—when you’re 14 and something happens to you biologically or emotionally, like your heart gets broken or something else happens, and you feel like you can’t go to Mom or Dad. You’ve got nobody to talk to, yet they’re the very people who can guide you through this.
Dave Quak: Yeah.
Stephen Beaumont: But we don’t go to them. We go and talk to our mate Jack—who’s six months older, has a mustache, and is really mature—because that’s who we think knows.
Dave Quak: Or we jump online and see what TikTok has to say.
Stephen Beaumont: Exactly. The church community needs to step up. We need to share each other's lives and experiences.
Dave Quak: Yeah, and that’s why I wanted to ask you to speak into this. To give some context to the listeners, when I was really struggling—Stephen, we’ve been in each other's lives for probably ten years now—but when I was really down, you kept catching up with me. You kept pushing me.
The biggest thing you said to me was, "Right now, everything feels insane, but there will be a day when it lifts." In the moment, I thought, "Oh man, I find that so hard to believe. But I respect this guy, and I know he’s onto something, so hopefully that’s true." And then it did happen.
Stephen Beaumont: Yep.
Dave Quak: And I was like, "Oh man, those chats were so vital." Being able to get in each other's corner is huge. I read a report this week, Stephen, that said 25% of Australian men have zero friends. Zero. No one to talk to.
Stephen Beaumont: Yep.
Dave Quak: It increases the likelihood of early death by 26%. Just loneliness—no camaraderie, man. It’s a mistake.
Stephen Beaumont: The health statistics are frightening. Loneliness and isolation...
Dave Quak: So, Stephen, for guys who are in the hole and want to move forward, what’s it like for them, and what can they do?
Stephen Beaumont: Okay. I think, firstly, they need to be brave and courageous enough to act, even in ways they don’t fully believe in yet. A bit like you—you didn’t believe what I said, but almost robotically, you followed the advice of others who had been there. Sometimes it’s the blind leading the blind. Take steps of faith and hold onto the fact that this will not last. Like you said, it will not last.
Stephen Beaumont
And how you manage that is going to vary with different personalities. Yeah, it almost becomes a stage of life where discipline needs to kick in.
Dave Quak
Okay.
Stephen Beaumont
To develop really good self-talk around today. You know, “I'm a two out of ten. I feel like crap. I'll probably feel like crap for the rest of the day, but tomorrow is a new day.” Holding on to any glimmer of hope is key, and making sure the ruminations and negative self-talk don’t spiral and keep you stuck in the hole.
I often say to people, externalize it. When we talk about depression, we love the metaphor of the black dog. Let’s call depression a name. When you're going through a season or period in your life that feels like it’s dragging on, find a way to externalize it or find people who’ve been through it. Get a buddy system in place.
You know what it’s like, Dave. When we got together, I didn’t try to fix you.
Dave Quak
No.
Stephen Beaumont
I was just willing to sit with you.
Dave Quak
This is awful. Yeah, I remember one of our lunches. We literally just talked about whatever. There were maybe one or two lines of depth, and it was the same thing: “This sucks, but you’ll get through it.” You didn’t sit there counseling me for an hour. A lot of it was the camaraderie and showing up.
Stephen Beaumont
Exactly. People working through a midlife crisis need time. Six counseling sessions probably aren’t going to shift much. There’s a lot of contextual stuff they need to sort through—major career decisions, big financial decisions, parenting responsibilities, high relational stakes. None of that has a quick fix.
Dave Quak
Yeah.
Stephen Beaumont
Helping people be patient through that and supporting them is crucial. If you're in it yourself, it might feel impossible, but practicing self-compassion and even finding a humorous element can help. Not to feed into it, but to own it.
If you try to make those feelings go away, this is what happens. You might think, “I’ll get rid of these horrible feelings by hooking up with a girl at the office,” or “I need a new car.” That’s the worst thing you can do.
Dave Quak
Yeah, yeah. And I really hope people are hearing that. I had a mate who had an affair, and he said the second it was over, the weight of the world crushed him. All that he’d been dreaming about was gone. It wasn’t even five minutes of bliss—it was horrid.
Stephen Beaumont
Instantly. Like no cigarette at the end.
Dave Quak
No cigarette at the end—just complete despair. He hated himself. It wasn’t worth it, even if it seemed like it at the time. I know another guy who did the same, moved in with the new family, and ten years later, he was in the exact same headspace. Same feelings, same patterns—it all came back.
Beyond 40: How Life Can Get Even Better?
We need to transition through these periods as best we can. Building resilience is key. From a Christian perspective, if we continue to mature in faith responsibly and ethically, as hard as it is, we’ll be better equipped to handle challenges in the next stage of life.
Different stages—midlife, then older age—they’re all different, but you’re still the same person.
Stephen Beaumont
So how did you get through your 20s? How did you get through your 30s?
Dave Quak
Different challenges, hey. So, Stephen, you’re in your 50s now. Different season—you’re playing with the grandkids.
Stephen Beaumont
Yeah, late 50s.
Dave Quak
Late 50s? What, 57 or 58?
Dave Quak
59! Well, you look great.
Stephen Beaumont
A sprightly young man.
Dave Quak
Yeah, you are. But you're in a good at the moment. You're doing a lot of playing in the pool with the grandkids, but you're also professionally doing really well. Great marriage, a bit of travel, all of that sort of thing. Okay, so looking back on your 40s...
Stephen Beaumont
Yeah.
Dave Quak
What do you think? Could you believe 40-year-old Stephen? We liked Steve. What were you thinking? Or do you look back and reflect?
Stephen Beaumont
You know, if I think about my early 40s, they felt, at the time, like a period of strong personal opposition within the context I was working in. There was a time when things weren’t great for me. Yeah, in my early 40s. It was back then that I started thinking, "Am I just going through a crisis? Is this real, or is there actually something wrong with me biologically? Do I have cancer? Am I depressed? Is my stomach telling me something's wrong?"
The stress was enormous for a couple of years. But I was able to persevere, probably because I was well-connected within my community, had a strong life group, good friendships, and avoided making dumb decisions. At the time, that’s probably why I can so freely look back on it, because I could have easily become a statistic like anybody else. But for the grace of God, and to the credit of community.
Dave Quak
Yeah.
Stephen Beaumont
I didn’t isolate myself. I did the things I’ll tell anybody else to do: keep doing the things you used to enjoy, even if you don’t enjoy them anymore. Keep going fishing. Keep playing golf. Keep hanging out with your friends. A lot of guys start dropping those things, and it further isolates them.
I used to love golf. I don’t play it anymore, but back then, golf was really about catching up with two mates and not worrying too much about hitting a ball around a field. In mid-life crises, we tend to stop doing the things that used to bring us joy. Hold on to that stuff.
Dave Quak
That’s a good point.
Stephen Beaumont
Keep hobbies going. Keep the connections alive, even if they don’t give you satisfaction at the moment. When I look back on my 40s, I think, "Okay, I’m glad I didn’t drop the friendships. I’m glad I didn’t leave the church or stop doing the things that mattered." Even though I didn’t enjoy some things for a while, I hung in there, kept going, and one day, you wake up and feel really pumped about life again.
Dave Quak
Yeah.
Stephen Beaumont
And the joy comes back.
Dave Quak
When it lifted for me, it was like day and night. For anyone out there who’s in it, you have Stephen’s testimony that you can get through it. I’ve been there too. And we all know people who’ve succeeded, maintained good marriages, and still enjoy great times with their family.
Stephen Beaumont
Yeah, absolutely.
Dave Quak
Any other thoughts, Doctor Beaumont?
Stephen Beaumont
Oh, gee, I’m not sure, Dave. Any final thoughts for the day? Yeah. If you’re going through it, just be kind to yourself. Be willing to tell someone else how you feel. You probably don’t need professional help or deliverance sessions from the past. But you probably do need lots of coffees.
Dave Quak
Yeah, with your mates.
Stephen Beaumont
With people you don’t have to prove anything to, where you can just be yourself and get support that way. Hope for better days, because they sure as heck will come. Don’t sell your golf clubs. Don’t sell your classic cars. Hold on to the stuff that brings you joy.
Dave Quak
Steven, it’s been a pleasure chatting with you. It must have been hard for your wife to tell if you were having a midlife crisis, considering you’ve had about 2000 cars—many of them sports cars! I usually end our chats by asking our guests to pray for the listeners. Could you do that for us today, bro?
Stephen Beaumont
Absolutely. Thanks, mate. Sure. Father God, I pray for any listener who, for whatever reason, feels that this message is for them. This chat may describe the way they feel and what they’re experiencing at this time in their life. Lord, I don’t know who they are, but You do.
I pray that they’ll find opportunities to get support, find help, stay faithful, and continue walking with You. I ask this in Jesus’ name.
Dave Quak
Once again, thank you for tuning in to Sunburnt Souls. If you want to subscribe to our podcast, that would be awesome. You can do so on Spotify or any of the major podcast providers. Additionally, we’re starting to release episodes on YouTube, and you can check out Sunburnt Souls on our Facebook page. Thanks so much for your support, and may God bless you this week.
What Does the Bible Say About Mental Illness?
The Bible acknowledges human suffering, including mental health struggles, and offers hope and encouragement. Verses like Psalm 34:18 ("The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.") and 2 Corinthians 12:9 ("My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.") remind us that God's grace sustains us in our weakness. While the Bible does not use modern psychological terms, it does address anxiety (Philippians 4:6-7), depression (Psalm 42:11), and despair (1 Kings 19:4-8). Seeking professional help, along with prayer and community support, aligns with biblical wisdom.
Is Mental Illness Sin?
Mental illness is not a sin; it is a complex issue that involves biological, psychological, and spiritual factors. While spiritual warfare is real (Ephesians 6:12), not every mental health struggle is caused by demonic attack. Just as physical illnesses require medical care, mental health challenges benefit from professional support, prayer, and Christian community. Jesus showed compassion for the suffering (Matthew 9:36) and encouraged holistic healing, affirming that struggling with mental health does not equate to a lack of faith.
How Can Christians Support Loved Ones Struggling with Mental Illness?
Christians can support loved ones with mental illness by:
Listening without judgment – Offer a safe space for honest conversations (James 1:19).
Encouraging professional help – Christian therapists and mental health professionals provide valuable support.
Praying for and with them – Prayer is powerful, but it should not replace medical care (James 5:16).
Being present and patient – Love is long-suffering and kind (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
Educating yourself – Understanding mental health reduces stigma and increases effective support.
Can Faith Help with Depression and Anxiety?
Yes, faith can provide hope and strength in times of depression and anxiety. Studies show that prayer, worship, and Christian community can improve mental well-being. Philippians 4:6-7 teaches us to bring our anxieties to God in prayer, and Isaiah 41:10 reminds us that He strengthens and upholds us. However, faith is not a substitute for professional treatment. Seeking therapy, taking medication if needed, and engaging in spiritual disciplines can work together for holistic healing.
What Are Practical Ways to Strengthen Mental Health as a Christian?
Prioritise Rest and Sabbath – God commands rest for renewal (Exodus 20:8-10).
Stay Connected to a Faith Community – Isolation worsens mental struggles; fellowship brings encouragement (Hebrews 10:25).
Engage in Prayer and Worship – Both reduce stress and bring peace (Psalm 46:10).
Practice Gratitude – Focusing on blessings shifts perspective (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
Seek Professional Help When Needed – Therapy is not a lack of faith but a tool God can use for healing (Proverbs 11:14).
How to get help with faith and mental health
If you’ve been wrestling with mental health struggles or navigating the balance between faith and medication, Sunburnt Souls is here to remind you that you’re not alone. Through open conversations and shared stories, we explore hope and healing in the messiness of life. Visit sunburntsouls.com to connect with resources and listen to more episode. Subscribe here to continue receiving updates.
