Murder, Trauma & Faith: Amelia Rees on Healing & Mental Health
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Meet Amelia Rees: Podcaster, Entrepreneur & Mental Health Advocate
Welcome to Sunburnt Souls. I'm Dave Quak, and on this show, we explore life, faith, and our mental well-being. As a pastor who struggles with mental illness, I get to chat with people like me—people who love Jesus and follow the way of Christ while dealing with the messiness and brokenness of life. Thanks for tuning in to this week's episode.
Well, this morning, we're in for a treat. We're turning the tables on our first episode, where Amelia Rees interviewed me. Today, I get to interview her. So, welcome, Amelia.
Amelia: Well, thank you very much for having me.
Dave: It's exciting to have you here. Just to get us started, I’ll ask you a completely random question. What is your favourite chocolate? How old are you? And what are you doing with yourself these days? Because that’s exactly what you asked me. By the way, you’re known in the feedback as the lady with the epic laugh.
Amelia: Yes, and I apologise. I have to edit out my own laugh.
Dave: We know that! Well, I’m editing this one, so we can’t get rid of it. So yeah, tell us—what’s your favourite chocolate? How old are you? And what’s going on in your life at the moment?
Amelia: Well, lots of stuff is going on in life. Chocolate is easy—anything chocolate-flavoured.
Dave: Okay, just the flavour, anything?
Amelia: Just keep me away from the bulk of it. I can easily demolish a whole block—no dramas. Snack is beautiful.
Dave: Snack is good.
Amelia: Snack is good! Anything with the jelly inside is delicious. I am 33 years old. And yeah, what’s going on in life? I am currently a podcast producer, a hairstylist, I own half of a makeup brand, and I’m a director of a charity.
Dave: Okay, wow!
Amelia: Got my hand in a few pies.
Dave: You’ve got a lot going on!
Amelia: But that seems to always be the way for me. Just little things along the way, skills that I pick up.
Dave: Awesome.
Amelia: I just go where God opens doors, and I walk through them.
Dave: I love it, I love it. Listeners will have seen in the promo that Podcast, which is your production company, has been delightfully partnering with me since the start. It’s been awesome. So, shout out to you—thank you so much for that.
Amelia: That’s okay, no dramas.
How One Honest Conversation Led to the Creation of Sunburnt Souls
Dave: Can you tell us why you got on board, Amelia? I really appreciate it, but the listeners need to know too.
Amelia: That’s true, that’s true. And I guess that’s where the podcast really started—the idea of it. We were actually at your son’s baptism.
Dave: Yeah.
Amelia: And afterwards—which was an awesome day—just people getting dunked into the ocean.
Dave: And getting rolled around by the waves.
Amelia: Yeah! It was pretty hectic. The surf was big. But you and I were just talking afterwards, and I can’t remember exactly how the conversation started. I think you were asking how I was going, and you and I have always been really open with each other. So, I think I was just straight-up like, “Oh, you know, I’m coming down off some of my medications for my mental health.” Somehow, the topic of mental health came up between us, and very quickly you were like, “Oh, I’ve got bipolar.”
Dave: Yeah.
Amelia: And I was like, “Oh, okay, that’s cool.” And you were saying that you felt like God was telling you to start sharing that a little bit more. And I was like, “Cool, yeah, I’ll pray for you.” And I can’t really remember how the whole podcast thing came up, if that was an idea of yours or…
Dave: Well, a couple of weeks later after that, I sent you a text basically saying, “Thank you so much for the chat. I do think it’s time for this to start being made public.” And you said, “Look, this is actually what I do.” I always knew it’s what you did—the podcast production stuff—but it’s almost that ‘prophet without honour’ thing where you don’t realise the gift people are in your life. I mean, I’ve known you since you were little.
Amelia: Yes.
Dave: And now that you’re an adult, you don’t—you just don’t equate someone you’ve known forever as being a boss in their own field, which you are. And then you offered to get this going, which really was the nudge I needed.
Amelia: Yeah, definitely. And it’s good because our relationship is that you’re my uncle.
Dave: Yeah.
Amelia: I probably should explain that! I’m actually originally a Quak as well. My dad and your brothers—
Dave: She’s lucky enough to have married out of the name.
Amelia: Yes! I’m so lucky. I’m Mrs. Rees now, which is so much better.
Dave: Anything is better than Quak. Like, literally anything.
Amelia: Anything.
Dave: Yeah, yeah, all the names. But more than that, I just consider you like one of my sisters in faith. We’ve always been tight like this. And when you said it’s time to nudge this forward, you were the catalyst for this getting going. So, I suppose it brings back the real question: You’re passionate about podcasting, but also particularly around mental health. Why is that? Would you mind starting with your story?
Amelia: Yeah. I think my passion for mental health and my openness about it come from the fact that I wasn’t open for such a long time. From a young age, I battled with my mental health, but I didn’t really seek any help or speak to anyone about it. And I think that’s really important.
Just speaking out what you’re struggling with helps to process things, no matter what. That’s why we go and see psychologists—to actually talk it out. Because as you’re speaking, it helps you to understand where your brain’s actually coming from.
Dave Quak: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And for you, did you see a psychologist young, or was that later in life?
Losing a Friend to Murder: Amelia Rees' Story of Grief & God's Healing
My mental health journey really started when I was about 15. My dad is a pastor, so I'm a pastor's kid, always had a strong faith and was involved in church. One of my good friends from church, her name was Tania, was walking home from school, got off the bus, and she was attacked by a 16-year-old boy who ended up stabbing her 48 times.
She lost her life, obviously, and that absolutely rocked my world. I didn’t really talk about it much. I definitely hid all of my feelings from my family and people around me. I felt really ashamed, angry at God, but then I felt guilty for being angry at God because I was raised in the church.
Dave Quak: Yeah.
Amelia Rees: You know, you’re told you can’t be angry. So it spiralled for quite a few years. Then we moved back to Queensland, and there were a whole bunch of things that went on. I got to this place where I didn’t want to live on this earth anymore because the pain was just too much, and I didn’t know how I was going to cope.
I actually said to a friend of mine on the bus, “Oh, you know, I may not see you on Monday.” She asked why, and I said, “I don’t know, I’m not sure if I’ll be here.” She was so mad at me.
Dave Quak: She yelled at you?
Amelia Rees: Pretty much. She said, “What do you think that’s going to achieve?”
Dave Quak: Yeah.
Amelia Rees: “What’s it going to achieve? Nothing.” She was the only one I shared how I was feeling with. She was only 15 at the time too, so she didn’t have the capacity to be like, “I think you’re not in a great place, you need to speak to someone.”
Dave Quak: Well, I mean, the fact that you guys were 15 dealing with that… My son’s 15, and if one of his friends was murdered, it would rock their world. They wouldn’t have the tools to process it. As a 15-year-old young lady, you didn’t have the tools, and she was your friend. The horror…
Amelia Rees: It’s very traumatising.
Dave Quak: You said she was stabbed 48 times?
Amelia Rees: Yeah. Over two minutes.
Dave Quak: That’s one…
Amelia Rees: It’s huge.
Dave Quak: That is really messed up.
Amelia Rees: Huge. And that was the thing too—it was intentional. It was very intentional. It was planned. It was premeditated. The guy who killed her was only 16 at the time, so his name has never been released. He’s actually served his time now and is out, walking in the world. I’ve had to deal with all of that as well and what that feels like.
But to answer your original question—when did I see a psychologist? Not until I was about 20.
Dave Quak: Okay, so five years. For five years, were you really just tracking by yourself internally in your mind?
Amelia Rees: Yes, definitely. When I was at my lowest and wanting to take my own life, I was still only just 16. Years later, I talked to my parents about it, and they had no idea. Absolutely no idea. Which, you know, goes to show how good of a liar I was.
Dave Quak: Okay.
Amelia Rees: Yeah, basically, that’s how I see it. I learned very quickly to put on the face I needed to put on.
Dave Quak: To avoid it.
Amelia Rees: Yeah, because it was just too painful to try to talk about. I would pretend I was fine and just cry into my pillow for six hours at night.
Dave Quak: That’s heavy. Was the attraction to death about relieving the pain?
Amelia Rees: Yeah, it was. I just didn’t know how—I didn’t have the skills to cope.
Dave Quak: Why didn’t you go there?
Amelia Rees: I don’t know. It was a space I would contemplate a lot, but it’s one thing to contemplate it and another to actually take action.
Dave Quak: Yeah.
Amelia Rees: I never really planned it. I had a big thought about it, though. I used to live down in Gosford, and there’s a massive hill down there. You could easily throw yourself off and land on the rocks—it would be done. That was my plan. It wasn’t far from my house. I could catch a bus or whatever, so that was the thought.
Dave Quak: Yeah.
Amelia Rees: But I think part of it too was that I didn’t want to put the people who love me through that. It’s one thing for a life to be taken intentionally by someone else, but it felt like a bigger step for me to take my own life. There would be a lot of unanswered questions for my family that they wouldn’t understand, and that didn’t feel fair. There were so many battles in my head, just going in circles.
Dave Quak: I can imagine in that five years, it would have felt like 15, just trying to figure out the questions. You mentioned being mad at God, but then you said you couldn’t be mad at God because you were in the church. Why couldn’t you be mad at God?
Amelia Rees: I know! That’s what I learned later—it’s okay. He’s big enough, He can take it.
Dave Quak: But was that kind of the idea you had of church, that it was wrong to be mad at God? That your faith wouldn’t allow that? What was that about?
Amelia Rees: Yeah, I think so. And all the pastor’s kids out there are probably nodding their heads along.
Amelia Rees:
But when you're a pastor’s kid, there's a certain expectation of how you're supposed to act, a certain reverence, I guess, that is expected of you in church. So I think for the first 15 years of my life, I very much felt God was the Old Testament God—not a God of rage or anything like that, but someone to be respected. You put your good church clothes on Sunday morning and go to church in the morning and at night because that's just the expectation.
That deep love and understanding of how much God loved me just for me, despite my faults and despite how I felt about the world and myself—it was a different relationship. Back then, I don't think I fully understood how much God cared for me. It was more of a tradition. I was showing up because that's just what I did.
Dave Quak:
Yeah, yeah.
Amelia Rees:
I definitely had faith. I would say I was a Christian back then, but it was just a very different sort of relationship.
Dave Quak:
And you can't understand the difference between that and now until you get to the now. You know, when you're in it, you think that's what it is, that this is how it looks. So you trekked for five years with this. What made you go and see a psychologist? How did you come to a place where you thought, "I really need help"?
From Bible College to Therapy: Balancing Faith & Mental Health
I think I got to a point where—so, at 15, all of this happened, and then we moved up to Queensland when I was about 16 and a half. So I had three or four years living up in Queensland. During that time, I graduated high school and, funnily enough, decided to go to Bible college because I thought, "I like people, and I love Jesus," so that seemed like the next logical choice.
Dave Quak:
Which is awesome.
Amelia Rees:
Yeah. I learned a lot at that time. I went to Christian Heritage College for Bible college, and it was more of a Pentecostal environment compared to the background I was from. It really opened my eyes to that spiritual side of God—the Holy Spirit, that feeling. I had never experienced that before.
Amelia Rees:
It just wasn't the way we worshipped growing up. And that's fine—some people worship God in a traditional setting, some people want to dance around and clap their hands and wave flags. But I hadn't experienced that. And it really opened my eyes when people were praying for healing for me.
God can heal miraculously, but he wanted me to do the work.
Dave Quak:
Yeah.
Amelia Rees:
And at that point, I realised, "Oh, okay, I've got some issues I need to deal with, and I need some professional help."
Dave Quak:
I mean, you get prayer, and you get help. Okay. But was it being in that atmosphere of the Holy Spirit moving that kind of prompted you—like, "Okay, it's time to face this stuff"?
Amelia Rees:
Yes, it did. And at the same time, I had this dark being that followed me around for a long time.
Dave Quak:
Okay.
Amelia Rees:
And we can go real deep into it if you want to.
Dave Quak:
Let's go there.
Amelia Rees:
Yeah. So, I would say it was a demon. It would sit at the end of my bed every night from when I was about 15 until I was about 18.
Dave Quak:
Wow.
Amelia Rees:
Yeah. I got to the point where I would just sleep while it sat there.
Dave Quak:
Did it taunt you?
Amelia Rees:
Yeah, it taunted me. And eventually, I got some help from you to figure out how to pray against that stuff, because I thought I was starting to go mad. Looking back on it now, the devil really used the death of my friend to torture me. And it worked—for five years—until I realised that God didn’t want me to be tortured. I didn’t deserve that. He wanted to release me from that.
And you taught me how to pray, how to stand firm, how to have strength in the Spirit. And that sounds so silly, growing up in the church, but there was so much focus on God and not much focus on the other side.
Dave Quak:
Yeah.
Amelia Rees:
And the impact that can have—the role it plays in our daily walk—I wasn’t fully aware of that power. But once I started to experience more things in the Spirit, I realised that power. And I realised that I have the power. It doesn’t lie with someone else. And I’m not crazy. I’m not just seeing things. Those things are there.
Dave Quak:
Yeah.
Amelia Rees:
But they’re there to try to draw my attention away from the Lord.
Dave Quak:
Yeah, and they try really hard.
Amelia Rees:
Exactly.
Dave Quak:
And if his intention is to steal, kill, and destroy—that’s his trifecta. He had already killed in your life, and he wanted to steal and destroy as well.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full”
Amelia Rees:
100 percent.
Dave Quak:
That torture for five years—that’s a good word. It would have been torture.
Amelia Rees:
Yeah, it really was.
Dave Quak:
And that’s one thing about the enemy—he doesn’t play fair.
Amelia Rees:
Exactly. And I didn’t have the tools. I had a baby brain—I was going through all my hormones.
Dave Quak:
Yeah. I don’t want to talk about 15-year-old girl hormones on this. But at the same time, you had the trauma, the wound, the physical trauma. And you mentioned you moved away at 16 and a half, so you only got to be in that area for another year and a half. That’s not enough time to process it.
Amelia Rees:
No, I didn’t feel like it was. So I was very resentful towards my family for taking me away from that. But God used it for his glory. I made awesome friends, and being near family was really good for us. If we had stayed there, we probably never would have left. And I don’t think I could have fully healed if I had stayed.
Dave Quak: Yes.
Amelia Rees: It just would have been too painful. My husband, Marshall, went back there just last year, and we drove through Gosford, past the place where she was killed and all that sort of stuff. We do that every time we visit, and usually, that’s a moment for me to grieve, to have a bit of a moment.
And as we drove through the city, I just felt this intense sense of freedom—like there was nothing left for me to process. God had said, "That was really hard, and that's a chapter we can close now."
Dave Quak: Wow.
Amelia Rees: And that was really powerful, to get that sense of, "Okay, it's okay to leave it in the past. You've done the work to heal." But I’ve spent more than half my life having to deal with that.
Faith, Therapy & Medication: Finding the Right Balance for Mental Health
It is a long journey when it's over half your life. What happened when you started seeing the psychologist? Did that lead to any further intervention or anything?
Amelia Rees: I was fairly quickly diagnosed with anxiety and depression and went on some medication. I'm on Zoloft.
Dave Quak: Good old Zoloft. Reminds me of the little snowman off—what’s it called? Oh well. Makes it sound cuter than it really is.
Not Quite Zoloft
Amelia Rees: And that’s always worked really well for me. The way I explain it is that it sort of brings my emotions to the middle rather than fluctuating so high and so low. So, the really happy times don’t feel as happy, but the really sad times don’t feel as sad.
It gives me the mental energy to deal with whatever’s in front of me—just that little bit of extra focus. Because when you're very anxious and depressed, things come into your life, and suddenly, everything feels disjointed, and you can’t focus on anything. I really wanted to work on those issues, not just talk about them. I needed a life change. I needed to do things differently for my mental health to be different. And even in the last ten years, there have been lots of ups and downs.
Dave Quak: Yeah, yeah. So, the medication and therapy continued?
Amelia Rees: Yes, definitely. And that was massively helpful. Even just really simple little things that I picked up. A big thing for me is being aware of what’s making me feel anxious or depressed.
How to grow in self awareness?
One of the tips my psychologist taught me was first to be aware of what is making me upset. For example, if I’m really sad because I miss my friend who’s gone, the next step is to acknowledge how those feelings feel and be okay with them—just acknowledging, "I feel angry. I feel upset." And it’s okay to feel all of those feelings.
When I first started therapy, I didn’t have much vocabulary to explain my emotions. I was either happy or sad. My psychologist helped me find different words. Like, is your sadness anger? Or is your sadness depression? Just having better words.
So first, being aware of what I’m feeling. Then, acknowledging how it makes me feel. And from there, I have two choices: I can take action if action can be taken, or I can accept it as it is if there’s nothing I can do about it.
For example, I can’t change the fact that my friend is gone. There’s no action I can take to change that outcome. I can choose to accept it, or I can hold it up in front of me, and it blinds everything else.
Dave Quak: Okay.
Amelia Rees: And I can’t see anything else. So, I’ve had to learn how to accept something and then put it down. That doesn’t mean I forget about it or that it doesn’t hurt anymore. I’m allowed to pick it back up and be aware of how it makes me feel. But then, I need to put it back down, accept it, and leave it there.
Dave Quak: Okay.
Amelia Rees: Not bring it with me every single day.
Dave Quak: Right. And every now and then, it does come back up.
Amelia Rees: Yeah, and I go through the same process again. I don’t think it’ll ever fully go away. As a human, you can never really be okay with what happened.
Dave Quak: Yeah, that’s horrendous.
Amelia Rees: I can learn how to live with it now.
Dave Quak: It’s a lifelong wound.
Amelia Rees: And it’s not of God. So how could it not be painful?
Dave Quak: That’s right. Traumatic events have a lifetime effect on us. And you don’t get any more traumatic than that.
Amelia Rees: No, not really. Not really.
Dave Quak: I've personally never lost anyone super close to me like I have, but not to that extent. So I can't even imagine the pain that would have been. It's crazy.
Amelia Rees: Yeah, and it is hard. But if you're supporting someone who has been through some sort of big trauma like that, it is hard to know what to say and how to treat them. My husband, Marshall, has struggled with that over the years. Ultimately, I don’t need him to understand—I just need him to be there, listen, and support me.
Dave: Appreciate you sharing that, Amelia. Now that you're in your 20s, what’s been going on since then?
Amelia: Oh, well, my 20s were the best and hardest time.
Dave: Best and hardest? Wait, just clarifying—harder than your teens?
Amelia: Yeah.
Dave: Okay. This is going to be crazy.
Amelia: Best in the sense that my husband and I got together. Marshall is the absolute love of my life—he’s my rock. We dated when I was 16, right after we moved up to Queensland, for about a year. I was like, "Blah, blah, blah, we’re going to get married one day." Absolutely scared the bejesus out of him, and he dumped me.
Dave: He dumped you when you were talking about marriage at 16?
Amelia: Yeah.
Dave: Okay, yeah.
Amelia: And then about five years later, I had some other relationships in between, but we reconnected again. Within six months, we were married.
Dave: Okay, so let me get this straight—you dated Marshall when you were both teenagers, then you had other relationships, and then you dated Marshall again. Did he date anyone in between?
Amelia: He had a couple of girlfriends.
Dave: I see. And then you ended up back together. That’s so lovely.
Amelia: Yeah, so lovely. He proposed, and then two weeks later, we found out I had a tumor.
Dave: Okay. What sort of tumor?
Amelia: I shouldn’t laugh—it’s just an automatic reaction for me.
Dave: I get that. Sometimes all you can do is laugh because everything’s so crazy. I even said this in the first episode—sometimes life is just lunacy. It’s wild.
Amelia: Yeah, exactly.
Dave: Sometimes laughter is the only option. So, yeah, sometimes we do laugh at inappropriate times.
Amelia: Yep. So for about a month and a half, I thought I had full-on cancer and was going to die.
Osteoblastoma: Life with a Rare Bone Tumor
I had an osteoblastoma, which is a bone tumor. The reason they thought it was cancerous is that bone tumours are usually secondary, meaning they start somewhere else in the body and then spread. So they were really worried. I had a bazillion tests. I even told Marshall, "Look, if this is going to be my path—you just proposed—here’s your get-out-of-jail-free card if you want to take it." He was like, "Nope, I’m here for the long haul."
Dave: Good guy.
Amelia: Such a good guy. The tumor was inside my collarbone, which is really rare. Usually, this type of tumor is in long bones—like the legs, arms, or sometimes the spine. But mine was inside the collarbone, and it took over the inside of the bone, growing outwards. As it grew, it literally pushed my bone from the inside out. It was very painful. I had a big lump—when they removed it, it was about six by three centimetres. Absolutely massive.
I had many surgeries. First, they did a biopsy. Then they tried to remove some of the tumor and took marrow from my hip to put into my collarbone. That happened about two months before we got married. So, engaged—three months later, surgery—three months after that, wedding. But the surgery was unsuccessful, and the tumor came back.
One morning, I was in the shower washing my hair, put my arms down, and my collarbone literally just snapped in half.
Dave: What?!
Amelia: It just snapped because the tumor had eaten away so much of the inside of my bone that there was nothing left.
Dave: That makes me cringe just thinking about it.
Amelia: Yep, total horror moment. They tried another surgery, but that didn’t work either. After five or six years of in-and-out hospital visits, they eventually removed my entire collarbone.
Dave: Okay...
Amelia: So now I don’t have a collarbone, and I can do a weird party trick where I pull my shoulder forward.
Dave Quak: You can pull your shoulder forward—I can see—but when you're sitting normally, you can't tell.
Amelia Rees: No, not at all. And it really was a miracle. This type of surgery had never been done before in Australia. I had three different teams of doctors: oncologists, bone specialists, plastic surgeons (obviously, to move everything around), and a heart specialist because the tumour had actually become vascular.
It connected to my blood vessels, which is why I ended up with a lot of pain during those five years. Every time my blood pressure went up, my heart would beat faster, and the blood flowing through my tumour would push against the outside of my bones, causing extreme pain. So for a long time, I was on some pretty heavy painkillers.
Dave Quak: What sort of painkillers?
Amelia Rees: Lots of opioids.
Dave Quak: Which opioids?
Amelia Rees: A whole mix. Looking back, I didn't really have a choice. It was either be in a ridiculous amount of pain or be heavily medicated.
To be honest, I don't remember a huge amount of that time. I was at home a lot, unable to work, and I was just drugged out of my mind. I was on OxyContin, which is a fast-acting opioid, Tramadol, which is a slow-acting one, then I had a codeine and Panadol combination. At one stage, I was taking about 20 pills a day.
Dave Quak: And they were pretty heavy ones.
Amelia Rees: Yeah, they were all opioids.
Dave Quak: Basically a cocktail of them, and then chucking in some codeine as well.
Amelia Rees: Yeah. At one stage, they even prescribed me the green whistle—the one the ambulance carries.
Dave Quak: Seriously?
Amelia Rees: Yeah, I could go to the chemist and pick it up because the pain was so bad.
Dave Quak: That’s crazy.
Amelia Rees: Yeah, I drank a lot of pear juice.
Dave Quak: That helps with constipation, right? Maybe we should name the podcast episode Pear Juice and Constipation.
Amelia Rees: Yep! But yeah, getting addicted to opioids and then coming off them was brutal.
Dave Quak: Not easy at all.
Amelia Rees: Not at all. I had full sweats, it was crazy. I was on that kind of medication for about four or five years, which obviously took its toll on my marriage as well. I was there but not really present.
Dave Quak: Because you’re such a vibrant person, so full of life—being on opioids must have flattened that completely.
Amelia Rees: Yeah, I was very flat, and I didn't have much to do either. Paul was working all day to support us, and I’d just be home alone.
Dave Quak: So when he got home, you were just waiting at the door?
Amelia Rees: Pretty much. I’m a people person, and I struggled being by myself all day. Some days, I was literally at the door waiting for him. And he’s an introvert, so that was hard for him.
Dave Quak: Yeah, that would’ve been tough. You and the two sausage dogs just sitting there, waiting for him to walk in.
Amelia Rees: Exactly. And he was completely peopled out from work.
Dave Quak: And he had to take on a carer role as well.
Amelia Rees: Yeah. There were times when I’d just pass out from the pain. He’d walk into a room, and I’d be lying on the floor. He’d catch me going down and all sorts of things.
Dave Quak: And you still had anxiety and depression at the same time?
Amelia Rees: Yep. My mind would just run around in circles otherwise.
Dave Quak: Were you still seeing a psychologist during that time?
Amelia Rees: Yes, but I honestly can’t remember what we talked about.
Dave Quak: The psychologist would've been loving it. Yeah, getting paid 100 bucks to go to sleep on the couch. I see dogs, are two but no kids running around? What’s going on there?
Childless by Choice: Faith & Mental Health in Marriage
So, I’ve decided—after a lot of prayer and consideration—we are childfree by choice. Yeah, lots of reasons for that. Partly, I spent the first ten years of our marriage really quite unwell, so that wasn’t on the cards, potentially, anyway. I may have had to have chemo or whatever, so we just sort of put it out of our minds.
And then as I got more and more well, neither of us felt a real calling to be parents. But the calling to be really awesome aunts and uncles, yeah, that was really strong.
I personally don’t smoke, that’s a thing. If I had a kid, I know I could be a good parent, but I’d be happy not to do it.
Dave Quak: Yeah.
Amelia Rees: And maybe it’s fear. Maybe it’s, "I don’t want to create another little mini-me," because I feel like the mini-me inside my head would not be helpful.
Dave Quak: Yeah, yeah.
Amelia Rees: That little mini-me is not going to help me deal with my life. I have to start dealing with this.
Dave Quak: Yeah? Yeah.
Amelia Rees: Do I go off the rails? And then how does that impact that kid and all that sort of stuff? That probably came about from sitting at home by myself for long periods of time thinking, "I don’t know if I could do what a parent does," because it’s huge.
To raise a kid who is balanced and emotionally stable takes a balanced and emotionally stable parent. And I don’t feel I have the full capacity for that. But give me a kid for a day or an afternoon or a sleepover
Dave Quak: Yeah.
Amelia Rees: I can smash it out.
Dave Quak: That’s right.
Amelia Rees: But also, I grew up without a lot of adult Christian mentors or anything.
Dave Quak: Like that?
Amelia Rees: And I feel like that would have helped me at that stage of my life. And I want to be that.
Dave Quak: Yeah, for another little life. I mean, that’s awesome—that you can have a sober reflection about yourself and actually come to that place.
I don’t want to offend people, but maybe some people should have thought about this before having kids, you know what I mean? Because they are demanding and it is difficult. And if you recognize that your capacity might not be there, I think that’s a really commendable thing.
Amelia Rees: I used to be really quite scared to talk about it because the question I would always get was, "Well, what about when you’re in the retirement home? Who’s going to come and look after you?"
And I was like, well, I don’t really want my kids wiping my bum anyway.
Dave Quak: Right.
Amelia Rees: I’d want someone to want to come and see me just because they love me, not just because they’re tied to me by a family bond.
Dave Quak: Yeah, that’s right. That’s so interesting. It does speak to your capacity, but at the same time, having a capacity that is contingent on maintaining mental health hasn’t stopped you from achieving a lot of things.
Like, we started this conversation talking about the fact that you’ve got Pretty Podcasts, which is an amazing production company. You’ve worked with lawyers and all kinds of people setting up their podcasts. You’ve also got your makeup company—tell us about that quickly.
Amelia Rees: Yeah, so my best mate and I—we’ve been friends for 17 years or so—and she’s a hair and makeup artist. Just incredible. Really awesome at what she does. She bought an airbrush makeup business called Veil Bella. It was preexisting, and then she bought it.
She was struggling to do everything herself, so I’ve actually come on as a partner with her. So I own half of an airbrush makeup business.
Dave Quak: That’s cool.
Amelia Rees: And then we also do hair and makeup for brides as well as any other general clients. I’ve done some training and now do hairstyling as well, which I just love.
Because with the podcast stuff, I love it too, but I don’t interact with people directly—I’m listening to them, but I don’t have that human connection all the time. Whereas if you go to a wedding, you’re talking with people, getting to know them, building relationships.
We do a trial with a bride, then see them again two months later. So that’s where that personal connection comes in, and I really enjoy that side of it.
Dave Quak: Yeah, that’s awesome. And then you’ve also started a charity—tell us about that.
Amelia Rees: Yeah, so Raising Dignity was actually brought about by Tabby Senga. She’s an African refugee who came here, oh, must be about 15 years ago now, after fleeing her village, which is Elmira. That’s close to Burundi, right in the depths of the Congo.
Dave Quak: Okay.
Amelia Rees: It’s a very war-torn area, and being such a war-torn country, there’s been a long history of sexual assault.
As a result, if you are a woman who is sexually assaulted in that culture, you are no longer considered pure, so you can no longer be married.
Dave Quak: Yeah, okay.
Amelia Rees: You’re out on your own. Your kids don’t have any value. So Tabby wanted to help. She started her own business here in the childcare sector to fund sending money back home.
She had been doing that for years with the support of my parents’ church, which led to some fundraising and what we call "dignity dresses"—making clothes for these kids.
Because as soon as you dress someone nicely, it shows that they have value and that someone cares about them.
Dave Quak: Yeah.
Amelia Rees: Tabby was receiving support from the church, but then I found out that, on the side, with her business, she had actually started a school for her local community—where there was no school before.
She also created a space for these women who had been rejected by society. Eventually, I heard about what Tabby was doing and said, "Hey, let’s try to get this happening officially."
I’ll link all of that in the show notes below. We’ve done small things, like getting them sewing machines, which means they can sew—
Dave Quak: And then they can make some money.
Amelia Rees: Exactly. They’ve gone on to sew uniforms for their school kids. And suddenly, once you dress someone nicely, they become less of a target because it shows that someone cares about them.
It’s still in its baby stages, but ultimately, the goal for me and my partner at Veil Bella is for our business to support Africa and help get this happening. Because, you know, we have enough money—what are we going to do in this world to actually make a difference?
And I think doing that through a business is a great way.
Dave Quak: I think it’s excellent, especially because when we wrestle with mental illness, sometimes a nine-to-five job just isn’t doable. You know what I mean? It just isn’t.
So for you to be able to create these different spaces means you can work, contribute, and change the world while also taking stock of your mental health and self-care.
Dave Quak: And yeah, I know for us, there've been a couple of times where you've said to me, "Dave, just give me space for a few days, I'm taking some time off." It feels to me like you've been walking this journey long enough to know what you need to stay on top of your mental ill health.
Amelia Rees: Yeah, and that takes time and practice.
Dave: Yeah.
Amelia: Trying to realise those warning signs and also recognising, as a Christian, when something is a spiritual thing and when it's a mental health thing.
Dave: Yeah.
Amelia: Because it can feel the same sometimes.
Dave: It really can. Have you got any tips for people on how to discern the difference between the two, or how that's looked like in your life?
Amelia: Ooh, that's a great question. I run with my gut.
Dave: Right? Yeah.
Amelia: Sometimes it takes a couple of days for me to realise that something’s spiritual, but usually, I can see it coming from a mile away.
Dave: Okay.
Amelia: Yeah, I don’t even try.
Dave: Well, I guess having that demonic thing take you around in your formative years trains you in the art of discernment.
Amelia: Yeah, right. And even though that time was really hard, it's actually a blessing now.
Dave: Yeah, that's awesome.
Amelia: You know, all of this is really heavy, and it sounds really dark, but God's really revealed to me that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. There's always a certain choice that we have.
Dave: Yeah.
Amelia: And ultimately, that choice is to fix our eyes on the Lord or not.
Dave: Yeah.
Amelia: Whether it’s pain—it's very easy to get sucked into despair.
Dave: Yeah.
Amelia: The despair of living life without health. What that looks like. How do you manage that when you're only 20 and you can't get out of bed unless someone helps you? Whether it’s physical or emotional, we always have a choice about where we place our pain.
Dave: Yeah.
Amelia: If you put your pain on yourself and hold it in your mind, processing and thinking about it all the time, it will consume you.
Dave: Yeah.
Amelia: And you’ll suffer for that. You end up feeling like your soul is being ripped apart. And God doesn’t want that for us. So for me, the physical pain—yes, it’s inevitable. I know I'm always going to be in pain; we’re living in a world full of pain. But the suffering, the deep hurt that can come along with experiences and turn them into trauma, that’s optional.
Dave: Yeah.
Amelia: Maybe that’s a little controversial, but for me, it's not. My faith in what God can do with my future is so strong because there were years when I didn’t think I was going to live. And then I did. And you become really grateful. And then you go, "Oh, God’s got this. Oh no, I should just trust him," because, you know, he kept me alive in that first surgery. He said he's got my back.
Dave: Yeah.
Amelia: I just have to trust that this is the case. And worst-case scenario, I die, and I’m with him.
Dave: Yeah. Oh no, it’s real. You don’t come from a place of speculation. This isn’t just a theory for you—this is your life. You’ve experienced significant brokenness, and you’re still going.
Amelia: Yeah.
Dave: And it is the strength of the Lord that flows through you, Amelia, or it’s not you. It’s something more than just you.
Amelia: It has to be.
Dave: If it was just—
Amelia: Me, I would have been gone a long time ago.
Dave: Oh, that’s right. Is that part of the motivation behind the ink on your back, Amelia?
Amelia: Yeah, a little bit.
Dave: I'm telling you, guys can't see this, but her whole back is pretty much covered. There’s a couple of animals having a snuggle.
Amelia: Yes. I’ve got a matching dog and a cat tattoo, which is my best mate. And then underneath that, which I’ve had on there for a long time—it’s paraphrased, which my dad hates. Haha
Dave: What did he say when he saw it? Surely, if you had the whole of Romans 8 tattooed on your back, he’d be madder. What does Romans 8 say anyway?
Amelia: It says, "For I am convinced that neither past nor future can separate me from your love." That’s paraphrased from Romans 8:38.
Dave: Just read it out, yeah, read the whole thing.
Amelia: Okay, I’m reading from Romans 8. I’m just going to grab a couple of verses, but go and read the whole of Romans 8.
Starting at verse 18:
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
If God is for us, who can be against us?
And then this is my favourite:
In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither present nor future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Dave: Yeah, that’s awesome, hey.
Amelia: So yeah, that’s a big verse to get tattooed on your back, which is why I paraphrased it.
Dave: Yeah, that’s why it’s paraphrased. Isn’t that such a great promise?
Amelia: It is. And that’s what it is—it’s a strong reminder. I remember one sermon you did at one of the unis. I can’t quite remember what the verses were, but the point of your message was that whatever God has done to provide for us in the past is what we can expect for the future because he’s always good and he’s always going to provide for us.
Dave Quak:
So your testimony and everything that you've been through in the past has to be a testament to what He can do in the future.
Amelia Rees:
Yeah, I look back over my last 15 years—with murders, tumors, marriage, psychologists, and all that sort of stuff—and to be sitting in this place, seeing how God is providing for us, it's incredible.
Dave Quak:
Yeah.
Amelia Rees:
I pretty much didn’t work through my whole 20s, and yet here I am, sitting in a house that we own.
Dave Quak:
Yeah, and it's beautiful.
Amelia Rees:
And I’m blessed. God has intensely blessed us. So who am I to say He can’t do that in the future? It’s almost disrespectful not to have the faith that He will carry us through. When you go through really heavy life experiences, you have very little control, so there has to be a lot of faith.
Dave Quak:
Yeah.
Amelia Rees:
Faith that God’s got this. That’s something I’m really thankful for. Even this year, I’ve got a lot of new little business things going on, and I’m constantly asking, “Lord, where do You want me? What should I do? What should I focus on?” And I just keep getting this sense of peace, like, “Just do today.”
Dave Quak:
Yeah.
Amelia Rees:
God’s got tomorrow. Don’t worry about it. And how much peace is there in that? Especially for someone with an anxious mind.
Dave Quak:
Yeah.
Amelia Rees:
It’s so powerful.
Dave Quak:
Yeah. And it doesn’t mean there won’t be pain, but it means you’ve got a framework to handle it.
Amelia Rees:
Exactly. And now I know that I can face anything. And that’s a blessing. It’s a hard lesson to learn. But even in our marriage with Marshall, there’s nothing we can go through that we can’t deal with.
Dave Quak:
Yeah.
Amelia Rees:
And he’s very comical as well. Something he often says is, “Oh well, it’s not going to kill you.”
Dave Quak:
He’s got credibility there, so he can say that.
Amelia Rees:
Exactly. And those little things that used to seem so big just don’t matter anymore.
Dave Quak:
Yeah, it’s all about perspective.
Amelia Rees:
Exactly. And a lot of people don’t get that until they’re quite a bit older.
Dave Quak:
Yeah.
Amelia Rees:
So that’s a blessing.
How to get help with my faith and mental health?
If you need further help, you can check out the Get Help page on our website. It’s got a list of all the mental health services, how to get a referral from a GP, and who to see. Those things are super important. As you’ve heard from Amelia, they’ve been a great part of her journey. But over and above all of that, there’s a loving God who cares, as you’ve just heard.
In a moment, Amelia, I’ll get you to pray for our listeners, but I just want to encourage everyone—read Romans 8 like Amelia did. Get connected to God and discover the depth of His love for you. Because once you’ve tasted it, you’ll never go back.
Amelia Rees:
Let’s do it. Lord, I just want to thank You, firstly, for Dave and this opportunity to sit and share my testimony. I pray that as it reaches listeners, it’s not my words they hear, but Yours. Lord, I pray that if anyone is in a really dark, painful situation, they will reach out and get some additional help.
You don’t want this for us. You do not want us to sit in pain and suffering. It’s not how You designed us, and it’s not our ultimate future, which is with You, Lord. So I just pray that You will give those who are struggling a sense of peace and comfort, knowing they are not alone.
Lord, there’s nothing we can’t do without You. That’s been made clear in my life, and I pray that as this podcast continues to go out into the world, that message will be heard. We thank You that we are in a space where we can discuss mental health with less judgment. Thank You that barriers and walls are being torn down, because there is nothing wrong with being open and vulnerable—that’s how You created us.
I want to thank You for Your provision in my life. I’m very thankful. Amen
Frequently Asked Questions
How Can Faith and Mental Health Coexist?
Many people struggle with the tension between faith and mental health, often feeling that seeking help is a lack of trust in God. However, the Bible reminds us that God cares deeply for our well-being and provides various means for healing, including therapy, community, and medical intervention. Mental health challenges do not indicate weak faith; rather, they provide opportunities for deeper reliance on God’s grace.
What Role Does Community Play in Healing from Trauma?
Healing from trauma is not a solo journey. As seen in Amelia Rees' story, supportive relationships, whether through family, church, or mental health professionals, provide vital encouragement. Biblical principles highlight the importance of bearing one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2) and finding strength in Christian fellowship.
How Can Christians Discern Between Spiritual Warfare and Mental Health Struggles?
Many believers wrestle with whether their struggles are spiritual attacks or mental health conditions. While both can be real, discernment requires prayer, wisdom from trusted leaders, and professional guidance. A balanced approach includes both spiritual and practical responses—seeking God's power while also utilising medical and psychological support when needed.
Why Is Sharing Personal Testimonies Powerful for Faith and Mental Health?
Testimonies, like Amelia’s, break down stigma and provide hope for those who feel alone in their struggles. Revelation 12:11 says, "They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony." Honest conversations create safe spaces for others to open up about their own battles and seek healing.
How Can Someone Find Help for Their Faith and Mental Health?
For those struggling, it’s crucial to take practical steps toward healing. This may include reaching out to a pastor, Christian counsellor, or a trusted mental health professional. Sunburnt Souls offers resources, podcast discussions, and a Get Help page to connect individuals with the right support. No one has to navigate this journey alone—God has placed people and tools around us for healing and restoration.
